Surviving A Knife Fight

The final drive of the game was painfully slow. Though only three minutes and 32 seconds on paper, as the Vikings drove the ball down the field, it felt like eons had passed. Ty at Lions and Winter described it as watching the season pass before his eyes. Neil at Armchair Linebacker likened it to surviving a car crash. To me, it was an agonizing 3:32 of repetitive stabbing.

I had the feeling we'd be in for a knife fight the minute the Lions settled for a field goal early in the fourth quarter to make the game 34-21. The very next play was a 47-yard kick return. Oh no. It only took four minutes for the Vikings to gain the remaining 60 yards and make it a one-score game. My flesh had been scratched.

The Lions took over with the potential of putting the game away, but it didn't take long before I feared the Vikings would land another vicious blow. Two plays into the drive the Lions were faced with a crucial third and five. But behind my cowering self, Matthew Stafford shot a cannon into the arms of Nate Burleson and through the hearts of Vikings fans. I could rest easy, at least for a few minutes. Until...

Two plays later, I was back in the fetal position, as the Lions faced another third down. This time, both Stafford and Titus Young made enormous efforts to land a finishing blow, but had miscalculated and missed it by a yard. Like a turn-based RPG, the Lions had selected their plays, attacked the opponent, but failed to end the game. Now it was the Vikings' turn.

The first couple moves by the Vikings are fairly harmless; an eight yard pass down the middle and a four yard scramble. Merely flesh wounds. The next two plays: "Joe Webb's Passing Attack Was Ineffective."

Visual Approximation of Joe Webb VS Lions Defense in My Head

Third down, Vikings completed a pass for what should have been six yards, but turned into nine yards. HEY, WATCH IT, VIKINGS! THAT ONE MIGHT NEED STITCHES! Fourth down, Gehart lands a body blow, easily picking up the first down, despite Sammie Lee Hill's best effort to block the attack in the backfield. Next four plays: pass for 0 yards, pass for 17 yards, incomplete pass, eight yard pass: block, body blow, block, body blow. 

A couple plays later, the Vikings are suddenly first and ten at the Lions 16 with 32 seconds left. I felt woozy. What seemed like a minor fist-a-cuffs with the Vikings was beginning to turn into a beatdown. I felt my innards bleeding, my cheeriness and energy meters were fading fast; I wasn't going to last much longer.

But, once again, the Lions had my cowardly back. In just three plays, the Lions had the Vikings on the ropes facing another fourth down. "Okay. Whatever you do, don't let Joe Webb..."

*Webb uses scramble attack. It is extremely effective.*

I collapsed to the floor. I felt liquid pour from my face. I wasn't sure if it's sweat, blood, tears, or some sad cocktail of the three. The Vikings slowly removed the sword from my abdomen, giving it the slightest twist on its way out. As I looked up in disbelief, I saw the deformed face of Jared Allen mocking my stupid existence.

It was over. I had accepted our fate. The Lions tried to out-maneuver the Vikings for as long as possible, but they were out of turns. As the Vikings cockily strutted to the line to stick the final dagger in my heart, I closed my eyes and planned my final words of the 2011 season. Should I curse out Allen? Who could be my scapegoat? Who really expected a full turnaround this season, anyway? Wait, I bet there's still a way we make the playoff, right? I let these terrible thoughts run through my head for awhile. I took a deep breath, and just decided to take it like a man: silently. I lifted my head, eyes still closed, ready to accept my fate. As I slowly opened my eyes, I awaited the final, painful stabbing. But the stabbing never came. It turns out DeAndre Levy had used a cheat-code and the Lions were left with one last attack: "Strip-Sack-Facemask-Twist, I choose you!" Levy shrieked. And that was it.

I blinked. Blinked to make the obvious hallucination I had just witnessed disappear. It didn't. I waited. Waited for the FOX graphic of death, known only as "FLAG" to appear on the screen and pierce my soul with it's burning-yellow tint. It didn't. I looked down at myself, expecting my entrails to be flowing out of me like an crimson, organ river. They weren't.

The Lions and I had just survived a knife fight. It was ugly, it was tormenting, and it probably took a couple years off of all of our lives, but we were the ones left standing. And now we (yes, "we") are 8-5 and closer to a playoff spot than we've been in a decade.

I think I'm going to be alright.

Week 14 Itinerary

Hello fellow interneter. Fancy to see you here. Let's talk Lions/Vikings. This is a must-win game by every definition of the term. The Lions will likely need to finish the season with three wins in four games, and this game appears to be the easiest of the four. Furthermore, a loss here would cost the Lions their tiebreaker over the Bears, as the Lions would fall to 2-3 in the division, while the Bears are 2-2. I want to feel completely confident about this game, but with the stakes so high, Jared Allen playing at the level he is, and the previous matchup between the two teams, I can't shake the worries. Hopefully the Lions come out quick and strong and coast to an easy win.

Anyway, like always, there was plenty of must-reads in the Lions blogosphere this week. Here's a taste:

My Stuff:

• Over here at Detroit OnLion, I compared the Lions' mental problems to Howard Hughes and broke down Stafford's performance against the Saints.
• At Pride Of Detroit, I analyzed Fairley's first quarter in New Orleans, and later, I previewed the Vikings game. 

Stuff Better Than Mine

• Ty, at Bleacher Report, found an unlikely hero in the Saints game: Jeff Backus. 
• Neil at Armchair Linebacker doesn't just want a Lions win, he wants a complete massacre. No blood be spared.
• Zac at SideLion Report did a Q&A with Vikings blog The Viking Age. To see Zac's answers to the Vikings questions click here. To see the Vikings' answers to Zac's questions click here. 

Moving Pictures Time!

From now on, whenever I hear Jared Allen talk, all I'll hear is "derp derp derp."

That won't really change the content of his words, anyway.

If you can make it through this entire video, you are a stronger man than I. Or you're a woman. 

I seriously almost threw up. 

DAMNIT PACKERS! STOP BEING SO LIKABLE!

Go Lions! (And Broncos! And Panthers! And...tie Cowboys and Giants?)

Stafford Infection: Saints Game

I've decided to change the format of this column for the rest of the season. Instead of breaking down a specific part of Matthew Stafford's game, I have decided to analyze and grade the three most important aspects of quarterbacking: Accuracy, Pocket Presence and Vision/Decision Making. This was a great week to start, as Stafford tossed for the most yards in his career since his unforgettable Browns game in 2009. His final stat-line was 31-44 for 408 yards 1 TD and 1 INT. But was his performance actually as good as his numbers?

Accuracy:
Grade: B+

It may seem a little cruel to mark Stafford below an A on a day where he completed 70.5% of his passes (well above his career completion percentage of 63.0). However, many of his completions were short, simple passes and many of his incompletions were big missed opportunities. Let me go to the tape:

I'm actually going to start with a Stafford completion, for 49 yards no less. It was Stafford's pass to Titus Young with seconds left to go in the first half. It was a great read, and a great play, but it should've gone for 76 yards and a touchdown. Just look at how open Young is when the ball is in the air:

There is nobody behind him. If that ball hits him in stride, its an easy six and the Lions go into halftime down only 10 with the ball coming their way. Instead, the ball is underthrown and directed towards Young's back shoulder. This forces Young to turn his body, slowing him down and allowing a Saints defender to catch him.

Stafford had a chance to redeem himself on the very next play, but again missed his target. The play was to Brandon Pettigrew and he was open. Before I openly criticize Stafford for this pass, it must be said that this completion has a high degree of difficulty. Stafford is most comfortable throwing the ball when he's slinging lasers. However, that pass would not have succeeded on this play.

Through all the blur its pretty easy to see that a line-drive throw would've been batted down by either the linebacker or the covering safety. This throw required impressive touch and accuracy. 

Stafford had the proper touch, but missed badly on the accuracy. In his defense, however, an overthrow is a better play than an underthrow. The Lions were in field goal range at the time and the last thing they could afford was a turnover. Stafford's mindset was likely to put the ball where there is zero chance of an interception. Unfortunately, there was also zero chance of a completion, and then the Lions had the field goal blocked. 

Pocket Presence

Grade: A-

The only reason this isn't a straight-up A is because Stafford took three sacks, two of which he had plenty of time to get rid of the ball. But Stafford really impressed me this week, improving upon what I believed to be his biggest weakness. Let's take a look at what I mean:

The situation: down 24-7 early in the third quarter, the Lions were 2nd and 5 at the Saints' 37 yard line. Quickly after the snap, things aren't looking good:

Both defensive ends are barreling down on Stafford. Earlier in the season, Stafford would have dropped even further back and likely would thrown an inaccurate pass off of his back foot. Not this time:

Stafford steps up, allowing the ends to overrun him. He steps into his pass, completing a 10 yard pass to Will Heller for a first down and into field goal range. It was a great display of awareness and a great checkdown to an open receiver. I want more of this.

Decision Making/Vision:

Grade: A

It always cracks me up when the announcer praises the opposing defense for stopping Calvin Johnson by double teaming him. In fact, while some ESPN analyst was praising the Saints for doing so, they showed the play where Johnson was double teamed on a goal-to-go situation. On that play, the Lions ran the ball.....for a touchdown. Johnson won that battle because his presence took a man out of the box and opened up space for Kevin Smith to run to. 

People will praise the Saints for shutting down Johnson again this week. Johnson only managed six catches for 69 yards and no touchdowns, a pedestrian day for the Pro Bowler. But the Saints defense doesn't deserve credit for this accomplishment. Sure, they were great in coverage against Johnson, but nine other receivers caught passes that day for over 300 yards combined. Stafford showed maturity. He didn't panic when his first few reads were covered and he didn't force a pass to Johnson in coverage when his other options were gone. A lot of credit goes to offensive coordinator Scott Linehan for his gameplan. Looking through the tape, Stafford did not have to go through his progressions very often, and his first option was typically where the ball went. 

Stafford's one interception was a fourth down play in which his options were limited. He threw the ball in a place where Nate Burleson had a chance to make a play, but had it ripped from him by the defender. Stafford was put in a tough situation and did everything he could to give his team a chance on that play.

If the Lions hadn't been struck with so many offensive penalties, Stafford might have thrown for 500 yards on Sunday night. He was absolutely on his A-game against the Saints and if he can repeat that performance in three of the next four games, we will be watching Lions post-season football for the first time in over a decade. 

Howard Hughes, A Detroit Lions Inspiration

I watched The Aviator this weekend. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it (and you might want to skip the next few paragraphs, as there are small spoilers ahead). The film tells the story of movie producer and airline tycoon Howard Hughes. At the film's peak, Hughes (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) has just encountered a near-fatal plane crash during a test flight for a potential military plane. Upon failing to deliver the military plane he was contracted to create, the government deployed an investigation against Hughes, accusing him of war profiteering. The investigation included a very intrusive combing of his house and assets. This event triggered Hughes' already fragile mental state. His OCD got worse, he became increasingly paranoid, and eventually ended up locking himself in his own screening room for three months. At this time, a competing airline offered a proposition for Hughes: sell his airline and the investigation will go away. In other words, give up. Hughes proudly refused, but soon realized that he had been subpoenaed and will be forced to go in front of Congress despite his clearly psychological illness. If he failed to properly defend himself, he would lose everything: his company, his fortune and most-importantly to Hughes himself, his clean reputation. In fact, tabloids had already started to spread rumors that he was crazy, fatally ill or even dead. Everything was on the line for Hughes.

With a little help from his ex-girlfriend, Ava Gardner, Hughes composed himself. He left his recluse, he shaved his scraggly beard and fought off his debilitating compulsions. Hughes eventually showed in front of Congress, still slightly crippled from the plane crash. But, instead of acting like a victim, he countered by accusing a Senator of bribery and showed to the world that he is still a smart, cunning man. The investigation was dropped and Hughes' reputation was left unharmed. After the hearing, Hughes completed his greatest masterpiece: The enormous H-4 Hercules transport aircraft.

Hughes was able to overcome his severe mental illness and injuries sustained in a plane crash to save his company and his image. The Lions had a chance to do the same.

On Thanksgiving, the Lions plane crashed into the mountain, leaving them ailing, both mentally and physically. They lost the services of Chris Houston, Louis Delmas, and Kevin Smith. Ndamukong Suh lost his sanity, stomped a guy and left for Portland (where he proceeded to get into a more literal automobile accident). It didn't take long before the media started damaging the Lions' name.

But the Lions had the same opportunity to rebound and save their public image. For a second consecutive week, the Lions were forced to face the entire nation. They had the ideal opportunity to take down a powerful entity and change the discourse of the season, even if the public had already made up their mind. A Lions victory would put the Suh incident in the rear-view mirror and have the media start focusing their Lions' coverage on playoffs and not on reputation. The Lions could complete their own masterpiece: a three year journey from perfect imperfection to playoffs. Instead, they did the absolute opposite. They reinforced the negative public opinion, exposed their vulnerable psyche once again, and hurt their chances to ever recover.

What was amazing about last night's meltdown was that, despite the numerous errors in the first three quarters of the game, the Lions STILL had the opportunity to control their destiny. Down only seven and now getting the ball, Stefan Logan returned a punt to the Lions' 33-yard line. But, again, the Lions' mental illness reared its ugly head and Logan lost the team 15 yards with a flick of a ball. The Lions proceeded to drive down the field, only to stall and miss a 55-yard field goal. Probably could have used those 15 yards there. In the end, the Lions' handicap cost them over 100 yards in penalties and, likely, a win. Additionally, they laid out the blueprint for defeating the Lions: frustrate them, then sit back and watch the impending psychological meltdown.

In the final scene of The Aviator, Hughes is celebrating the flight of his amazing Hercules. In the midst of handshaking, toasting and planning for his future successes, his compulsions begin to seep through his core, proving he can never fully escape who he is. Hughes' assistants quickly escort him out of public view and salvage his image once again. The Lions, too, cannot (and should not) escape their true identity. They are a tough, angry team, and there's no escaping that. But Jim Schwartz needs to do his part in concealing the truth. He needs to follow through with his promise and escort mentally ill players to the bench, before it ruins Schwartz's reputation and organization.

Week 13 Itinerary

Before I get into it, I feel the need to address yesterday's Big Ten Championship Game. Sparty fans, I'm sorry. In what seemed like a season you were destined for greatness, you were brutally stripped from a title in one of the more horrific ways I've seen. I know MSU fans are going to be sick (and rightfully so) watching the final BCS rankings and finding themselves below Wisconsin and Michigan. But, if there's anything being a Lions fan has taught me, it's that you really must take joy in the ride and not necessarily the final destination. The Spartan season created some magical moments that I'll never forget, and if you didn't know already, I'm a University of Michigan alumni.

Alright, time to focus on the real league. The Lions face another tough test this week and will once again be on display for the nation, but this time on Sunday Night Football. While there was some optimism around the Packers game last week, it's hard to find one person who believes the Lions win tonight. The Lions will need to go, at the very least, 3-2 down the stretch, but given the schedule of the other wild card contenders, they may actually have to go 4-1 to clinch a playoff spot. A win in New Orleans would do a lot to instill confidence that 4-1 is more than possible. A loss would make every game left on the schedule "must-win". A high-stakes game in December: terrifyingly awesome. Here's what you got to read:

My Stuff:


My articles were a little limited as I lost power for a day due to LA winds, but I had time to do my usual Packers game recap, video review of the Lions' second string secondary, and, of course, my "On Paper" preview that suggest this game could be a lot closer than many think. Next week, you can expect a full dose of "Stafford Infection" (pun very much intended). Apologies for omitting it this week.

Stuff Better Than Mine (with as little "Suh" as possible)

• Ty at Bleacher Report talks a little 3-3-5 formation from the Lions to try and stop Drew Brees. Formation Pr0n!
• Colleague Latif at Pride of Detroit continues to improve on his already impressive breakdown of the opponent's offense and defense. Get yourself informed on the Saints' Offense and Defense right meow.
• Is the Saints game a must win? SideLion Report breaks down the importance of the game and the likelihood of a Lions playoff berth. 
• Neil at Armchair Linebacker, who is clearly mid-breakdown, addresses the bipolar-ness of fans and previews Saints/Lions

Moving Pictures Time!

I don't know what pleases me more: the Redneckness of it all, 

or the fact that someone bet their flatscreen on the Redskins. 

(Skip to 1:45 in the video for some good ole' TV shootin! YEE HAR!)

I thought this was the coolest grandma ever until she said she liked Reggie Bush.

Indeed this is the number one Saints fan, as long as you measure fandom 

by number of beads and quality of  parody songs. 

Go Lions! (and Houston! and Kansas City!)