Thursday, August 29, 2013

Breaking Bad Death Power Rankings: "Confessions"

Before I jump right into these power rankings, I have to admit this idea was completely stolen by a line in Bill Simmons' podcast this week with Chuck Klosterman. The idea behind this list is to rank the likelihood of death for the following main characters. As far as I can tell from a quick google search, this actual list doesn't exist yet.

1. Walter - Chance of death: 99%

We know Walt will last for, at least, another few months. But we also know he will returning to a barren home to grab a vial of ricin and scare the shit out of his former neighbor. The heavy-duty gun in his trunk is also a troubling sign for his future. Oh, and he still has cancer. There is no end to this story that doesn't involve Walt's death.

2. Jessie - Chance of death: 85%

When we left our beloved Jessie, he has dousing la casa del blanco in gas. Finally armed with the damning evidence against Walt -- Saul's desperate confession about the Ricin -- Jessie is at the point of no return. He is done being played by Walt. And although Walt has impressively talked his way out of Jesse's seek-and-destroy path before, I don't think there's anything he can say at this point. He's all out of cards to play at this point and is only left with a defrosting six-shooter. Jessie may squeeze out another episode or two, but I think the writing is on the gasoline-soaked walls. I don't want to see Jessie go, but his death, admittedly, will make for some amazing television.

3. Marie - Chance of death: 70%

You may think Hank is the sheriff opposite outlaw Walt, but I think it's Marie. Hank has been slowly trying to build his case against Walt, while keeping a low profile and..."treading lightly". But Marie has thrown caution into the wind. Her emphatic pushing of Hank and thieving of babies is wildly reckless. This week, she told Walter to kill himself. Good luck with that, Marie. She has yet to look into the face of Walt and see his true, ugly potential. And while Walt's confession tape may freeze Marie in her tracks, it won't be long before she's egging on Hank again, getting them both into deep trouble.

3. Hank - Chance of death: 65%

This week, Hank found out that he was rehabbed at the expense of Walt's drug money. As he said himself, "that's the last nail in the coffin." He's done for. He has no play, other than to keep quiet at let Walt take his sins to the grave, or commit career suicide, probably go to jail and go for Walt's jugular. All roads lead to an inevitable death, symbolic and/or physical.

4. Lydia - Chance of death: 60%

Frantic characters like Lydia don't typically last long in shows like this. However, the woman has survived despite having put a failed hit on Mike's head. After her most recent massacre, she's now responsible for more hits than Miguel Cabrera. At this point, maybe she is the danger. Still, it's obvious that her and Walt's path will cross again. And when that happens, we know who usually comes out on top.

5. Todd - Chance of death 50%

Todd means well enough. He's got a nice little babyface, he likes checking in with his former boss to see how retirement is treating him, and last week, he did the meth-cooker equivalent to laying down his coat in a puddle of water for a lady when he politely escorted the blindfolded Lydia through a maze of corpses. But now he's the new Heisenberg, and he's back in Heisenberg's territory. That position hasn't been kind to the last few non-Walter Heisenbergs.

6. Skyler - Chance of death: 45%

Sklyer is a full-on accomplice at this point, and she's still holding out hope that the entire thing will be buried with Walt's cancer-ridden body. That's highly unlikely to happen, but there are still plenty of possible outcomes that spare Skyler's life. In fact, at this point, no one really wants her dead. Of course, that doesn't mean she'll escape the eventual crossfire.

7. Walt Jr. (Flynn) - Chance of death 40%

I've got a bad feeling about Walt Jr. He's basically the only "main" character left who has been almost completely unscathed from everything going on around him. Sure, he had to live with his insufferable aunt for awhile, and dealing with a broken home was stressful enough for him to come up with a terrible nickname for himself. But right now, he's a pretty happy dude. He's got a pimped out car, a complete family again and all the breakfast a man could want. Which means the other shoe is ready to drop.

8. Saul - Chance of death: 10%

Saul nearly met his end last week, when he stared down the barrel of his own gun at the hands of Hulk Jessie. Having survived that scare, it looks like Saul may reach the finish line and the potential spin-off may still be a go. Unfortunately, I don't carry the same optimism for Huell's job security.

9. Holly - Chance of death: 2%

Don't do this, Vince Gilligan. Please. Don't.


  1. I agree with you about Walt. Seems that's a no brainer, but they can always fool you just because you're expecting it.

    I don't think Jr. gets it though. If he did, it would have to be in the crossfire, or because he couldn't stand to live knowing what his Dad did. Neither seems likely to me

  2. You may be right about Walt Jr. But this question needs to be asked:

    Would Walt rather Jr. know about his misdeeds and be ashamed and embarrassed of his father (while reaping none of the benefits of his drug emporium), or would he rather Jr. die knowing his father only as a role model who fought his cancer to the end? I think he's a candidate for the ricin.

    1. actually, scratch the ricin. It's clear by the neighbor's reaction that everyone knows who "He" is by then. Still, I wouldn't be surprised if Jr. is shielded from Walt's transgressions by any means necessary.