Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Three Days Late "Live" Blog: Lions at Cardinals


First Quarter:

14:50 - Ah, the end-around to Nate Burleson. One of Scott Linehan's favorite plays. Unfortunately, it's read uber-quickly, and the Lions' opening drive is over before it even starts.

14:00 - Nice snag by Patrick Edwards. Then a flag is thrown after the play for illegal substitution. It should be 3rd and 13 from the 17. Instead, the down is strangely moved back to second down, and the previous play is completely negated. That makes no sense, as the penalty happened well after the previous play was done. How this happened without anyone making a stink, I have no idea. These are the kind of minor things that irk me most -- much more than a questionable pass interference call. This was a black and white mistake, and pretty inexcusable, if you ask me.

10:44 - Oy, Rashean Mathis.


10:38 - Glover Quin with an absolutely perfect hit. Timed perfectly, placed directly on the ball. That's the huge safety play the Lions have been missing.

9:12 - What a terrible route run by Kris Durham. He just curled the route, instead of a crisp cut, and then face-planted. Time to send out the Bat Signal for Ryan Broyles.

 4:09 - Solid second offensive drive for the Lions. Obviously, it's disappointing to end up with zero points, but the Lions started from within their own 10-yard line. From there, they did a good job mixing play calls, and methodically moving down the field, until a bad rush by Reggie Bush forced them into a long field goal attempt.

3:33 - What is roughing the kicker, if not that? Dude went FLYING into Akers untouched.

0:45 - Bill Bentley with two good open field tackles, the second of which forced a fourth down. He's proving to be a solid slot corner (yes, I know what's coming...)

Second Quarter:

14:24 - After a quick three-and-out from the offense, Sam Martin had a beautiful directional punt of 47 yards with no return. This was a big play, considering the Lions could have given up great field position.

11:49 - You cannot play the pass better than Chris Houston just did. Got in position quickly, and turned his head before the ball was even thrown. It was a perfectly thrown pass, and Houston easily batted it away.

11:00 - Bush has been an invaluable asset to this team already, but if you watch him closely, sometimes he'll just dumbfound you with some of the poor decisions he makes.


I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. This happens more often than you'd think.

10:31 -  I had the perfect angle from the stands for this Matthew Stafford pick six. It was an irresponsible throw, as the linebacker read him the entire wa....HOLY SHIT TOUCHDOWN DETROIT LIONS! There was no window to throw that ball. None. That play must have been some sort of magic trick...excuse me, illusion. Just an incredible throw by Stafford that I'm not sure anyone else in the NFL could have made.

7:42 - Willie Young dropping deep into coverage on this play, and Carson Palmer easily flicks it over his head. The blitz coming from the left never made it there. The Lions' blitzing woes continue.

7:32 - To say Darius Slay is going through some growing pains would be a gross understatement -- completely lost track of his guy on that long touchdown.

7:26 - There's the second special teams penalty, and the Lions will find themselves within their own 10 yard line for the FOURTH time already.

6:00 - Bush jukes the hell out of his man and makes the 26 yard pass play look easy. So, of course he was injured on the play.

4:10 - Aside from his earlier drop, Burleson has been great this season. He's been making catches in huge situations and through a lot of traffic. Take notes, Pettigrew.

1:55 - Just a great response from the offense. This may have been the Lions' best drive of the season: 10 plays, 92 yards. Mixed in three rushes with seven passes. And most importantly, got seven points, not three.

Third Quarter:

13:30 - Suh with two consecutive quarterback pressures. He's quietly having a solid game. 

12:43 - Michael Spurlock has yet to show me anything positive this year. Looks like another year of having no return game whatsoever. Lions start within their 10 yard line AGAIN.

11:55 - First play of the drive: Bush collapses on his rubber knee. Second play, he fumbles. He's clearly not feeling well. Take a seat, young man.

11:09 - Great, quick read by Quin on the play to disrupt the slant before Larry Fitzgerald could get downfield and block. Huge defensive stand after the offensive blunder.

10:18 - Drive summary: drop, drop, drop, sigh.

7:10 - The best part about Levy's pick six? Suh had another chance to take out a player behind the play, and he actually restrains himself.

5:41 - I don't actually think this Patrick Peterson play was supposed to be a trick play. I think Suh blew up the end around, and Peterson did a brilliant job of ad-libbing. Everyone blocking on the play looked surprised when Peterson reversed field and threw the ball. I could be wrong, but kudos to Peterson either way.

5:20 - Suh is the only player on the defensive line playing football right now. And he's dominating.

Hey, look! There's me!


1:42 - RANT ALERT:

I don't like the penalty "illegal hands to the face." I don't mean I don't like it in the sense that it shouldn't be a penalty. I just don't like it. Being a defensive lineman is a battle of the hands. Between all the slapping, shoving and punching, a hand can accidentally contact the head so easily and so inadvertently. I understand why it's a penalty, and I agree that it should be, but here's the problem: illegal hands to the face rarely helps the guy who commits the foul. Usually he's still locked up pretty well by the offensive lineman, so the act has almost no affect on the game itself. Yet, this penalty was absolutely devastating for the Lions. Willie Young was completely away from the play (until after the fumble) yet his error made the entire play obsolete. I don't think it was a bad call or is a bad rule, it just sucks. It absolutely sucks.

Fourth Quarter:

11:00 - Stafford was absolutely brilliant against the blitz against the Cardinals. He almost always knew where it was coming from, and he got the ball off quickly and effectively. This was really a superb game by him.


9:30 - Carlos Dansby just saved the Cardinals. If Dansby hesitates for a half-a-second more, Larry Warford gets down-field, blocks him out of the play, and Calvin is dancing in the endzone. Instead, he's unable to pick up the first down, and the Lions get their field goal blocked. Humbug.

5:52 - Hey, a Darius Slay sighting. And he was in position!

5:45 - I still don't know if this ball was complete. The Cardinals receiver clearly gets his hands underneath the ball initially, but you can see the ball bouncing around his arms, and just as the ball MAY HAVE hit the ground, Louis Delmas comes flying into the screen and obscures our view. Veteran play by Delmas: A National Treasure.

4:40 - Drive summary: run for zero, drop, drop, swear, punch, cry, seppuku.

3:10 - Tully with three big run stuffs in the last two drives. Neat.

2:09 - Tough break for Bentley. His real mistake came early in the play, when he bit on the out route. When his receiver cut it back up-field, he was chasing to get back in the play. If this ball is thrown accurately, Bentley may actually break it up, as he smartly gets his hands up. But since the ball was underthrown, and Bentley was desperately trying to catch up with the receiver, when the receiver slowed to try and get to the ball, Bentley bowled over him.

1:54 - Why is it that I hate Brandon Pettigrew more when he makes a circus catch?

1:22 - I know it's not his personality, but Calvin needs to complain about not getting pass interference calls more. I don't necessarily think this was pass interference, but there's nothing wrong with pleading your case to the refs.

1:15 - Valiant effort by Nate, but he cuts his angle a little too heavily. He does a great job of creating separation with his hands, as you can barely see at the bottom of the screen.


But then he fails to cut up-field enough, and Mathieu able to recover and make the play before the first down sticks. FOX shows replays of everyone but Nate. Neat. Time to stare idly out of the car for six hours on my way back to LA.

I'm never going back to Arizona

Last December, my buddies and I headed to Glendale, Arizona to see the Detroit Lions get slaughtered by the 4-10 Arizona Cardinals, who were fresh off a 58-0 shallacking at the hands of the Seattle Seahawks. This week, the gang and I returned to the desert, in the hopes of redemption. Needless to say, things didn't go as planned.

Sunday was off to a bad start the moment we returned to the Cardinals' amazing tailgating area known as the Great Lawn. 

Last year, new to the area, we ventured around the various tents until we found a radio station sponsored tent. Open to the public, the tent had monitors of all the early NFL games on it. So we stayed there for the entirety of the pregame, chatted with some strangers, and sucked down a beer or two. It was pleasant.

This year, with a year of experience under our belt, we went in with a lot of expectations. However, between the three of us (all college-educated, by the way), none of us even considered how different December Arizona is from September Arizona. We searched for safe haven for the suffocating sun, awkwardly bouncing from tailgate to tailgate. The radio tent we were banking on was nowhere to be found. Eventually we gave up, figuring it was better to let the sun leatherize our skin while we rested on the cool grass, than to lug around a heavy cooler while making everyone around us feel a little uncomfortable. Eventually, we found a sponsored tent to hang out in, but the DirecTV wasn't working, and it was near game time anyway. It was not pleasant.

I don't have some clever way to tie this into the state of the Detroit Lions, I'm just trying to avoid talking about the game. Because the current state of discourse is annoyingly negative. I was fortunate not to get internet access inside the stadium, therefore shielding myself from the obnoxious knee-jerk reaction from everyone. I stayed away from the majority of the reaction post-game as well, fearing to run into a devastating Breaking Bad spoiler on twitter. 

But Monday morning, the hornet's nest was still abuzz, swarming around the two most fruitful targets: Scott Linehan and David Akers. Linehan is easy pickens, as there's nothing easier than playing Captain Hindsight with play calls. Akers is automatically punished for not being Jason Hanson or having a youtube skills competition video. In reality, the two had only a small hand in the demise of the team on Sunday. The defensive line failed to get any pressure on a team that was sacked four times last week. The Cardinals were able to run effectively against a Fairley-less defensive front. The Lions young secondary held in there valiantly, but their inexperience caught up with them. And when Reggie Bush and Patrick Edwards went down, the Lions proved, once again, that they are woefully thin in receiving threats.

That play call that didn't work was a bad play call.
The problem with this team is multi-faceted, yet for some reason I'm not worried. Maybe because last year tempered my expectations, maybe because we still continue to see flashes of how good this team could be, even if they're only flashes. But the Lions find themselves at 1-1, tied with 15 other teams in the NFL for ninth place. They've already tallied a division win, and their schedule doesn't look quite as daunting as it did at the beginning of the year.

Many think the Lions are doomed to bad luck or their players are especially prone to mistakes, and the Lions will never get past that. But that's not quite what I see. If you look around the NFL, you see plenty of teams blowing fourth quarter leads or committing a debilitating penalty late in the game. Look at the Tampa Bay Bucs, who lost consecutive games in the last seconds of regulation to start the season. Look at San Diego, giving up a 21-point second half lead. Hell, the Super Bowl champions are barely 1-1 right now. This is what the NFL is these days: an insanely competitive league, where the outcome often hinges on the luck of one or two plays.

This is the best take I've seen on the Lions of now (and of the past two years, as well):
There's only a few teams impervious to the cruel fate of NFL luck: the Patriots, the Peyton Mannings, and...well...that's really all right now. Of the ten teams that went to the playoffs last year, seven are 1-1 or worse right now. It's easy to be competitive in the NFL, but it's hard to be one of those teams that doesn't have to rely on the luck of a penalty flag or a fumble recovery.

The Lions are not one of those extraordinary teams, but that doesn't mean they can't do extraordinary things. They weren't significantly better or worse in 2011, and they made the playoffs. All it takes is a string of luck at the right time, just ask the 9-7, 2011 Super Bowl champion New York Giants. The Lions have more than enough talent to reach that threshold. So if you want to scream from the streets that the football apocalypse is upon us, you are more than welcome to. But I'll be over here, flipping a coin, hoping I can string together a few heads in a row.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

FOUR! Days Late Live Blog: Lions vs. Vikings

FIRST, SOME WORDS:

Apologies for the lateness of this article. It's been a busy week, and I haven't had a chance to rewatch the game as of yet (I STILL haven't caught up on "Boardwalk Empire," either, just so you know the sacrifices I'm making).

Anyway, I also want to apologize for the snark yesterday. After pleading to everyone to be a little less cynical in the offseason, I fell off the wagon yesterday, and my ugly, condescending side came out. Since then, I've checked myself into a wonderful facility full of loving people. After staring into their koi pond for five hours last night, I've come to an inner peace, and I don't expect a relapse any time soon (unless Suh gets into more trouble or the Cardinals win Sunday). Do we all love each other again? Great. Let's do this.

First quarter:
14:55 - The Lions start the game with a 10+ yard run by Reggie Bush on the tails of great blocks by Larry Warford and Jason Fox. All three being new contributors. That's promising.

13:33 - I really love this middle screen to Bush on third down, but the problem is, it's illegal. Warford doesn't engage with any blockers at the line of scrimmage, so he heads down field to block a linebacker. If he has not come into contact with a linemen, he cannot go further than one yard down the field before the ball has been thrown. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present exhibit A:


But, hey, it wasn't called, so, nice job!

12:50 - Speaking of plays I love, this was my absolute favorite play of the day. The end-around to Bush fakes nearly everyone in the Viking front seven. Leaving a whole lot of space for Joique Bell:


11:28 - One of the few errors Bush made all day caused the Lions to stall here. Bush had a clear opening, but he missed though hole (partially because Raiola's man got a hand on him and turned him around slightly). Still, there's no excuse for not picking up at least one yard on the play. Instead, the Lions have to settle for three points.

11:00 - JUST KIDDING, ZERO POINTS. HERE WE GO AGAIN SAME OLE LIONS FIRE MILLEN MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

10:50 - ...aaaaaaaand commence bitter silence.

9:45 - ohcoursereggiebushisinjuredgodhatesthelionsihatetheNFL

6:58 - I just woke up from my satanic, hypnotic trance, and see that the Lions have already made their way back to the red zone on the shoulders of...Joseph Fauria? Where am I?

6:20 - What a great pass and amazing catch on Calvin's touchdown. It's just an absolute thing of beauty and nothing in the world could corrupt such a wonderful play.

6:20 - ...nothing but an irrational rulebook that just strives to punish the glory that is Megatron.

4:15 - All four defensive linemen are in the backfield before Adrian Peterson even touches the ball. Awesome.

0:45 - Oh Tony. That seam route was your bread and butter two years ago. I hate to see you like this. Please come back to us Tony. I'm still waiting for your Gangnam Style touchdown celebration. I will never give up on that. I'll even take some elevator-guy pelvic thrusts. Please, Tony.

Second quarter:
15:00 - First things first. Absolutely right call to go for it, and it's at least a little promising seeing Jim Schwartz make that decision. The call on Brandon Pettigrew was iffy. Pettigrew had great positioning on him, and didn't need to hold him. All he needed to really do was put all his weight on the defensive linemen and let him take himself out of the play.

14:50 - The Vikings first completion (and attempted pass) comes in the second quarter against Darius Slay. Gave him a little too much room there.

14:01 - Great play by Slay forcing the tipped ball, and excellent awareness by Levy catching the ball and scoring the touchdown. That's all I have to say about that.

13:53 - There's bad Stafford. Obviously not his fault the pass was intercepted, but he was locked onto Calvin, who wasn't open, while Bush had plenty of room along the right sideline.

13:40 - Tulloch is WAAAAAAAAAAAY out of position, biting hard on the play-action.

12:36 - Houston is in good position, doesn't really interfere despite the penalty, but fails to look for the ball. If he turns his head, it's an easy pass defended.

12:22 - The Vikings have run seven offensive plays and have two touchdowns. The Lions have run 26 plays and have zero. I'm pouty.

10:51 - I'll be honest, after the Lions went three-and-out here, I had pretty much given up on the game, and really, the season. The team was oddly familiar in it's mistakes, and failure to capitalize on their opportunities. I was feeling awfully down, man.

9:21 - Bill Bentley with the almost pick-six. I like this dude.

3:00 - Alright, time to calm down. The defense is holding up. Maybe the offense can rebound before the half...


OH COME ON! This can't be happening. It's like I'm watching a parody of a Lions game.

2:41 - The fact that what Louis Delmas did is considered a penalty is almost as stupid as Delmas doing what he did. I swear this stuff happens all the time during the game. Of course, that doesn't excuse Delmas for doing some completely unnecessary trash talking.

2:15 - LORD SUH WILL SAVE US ALL! ALL PRAISE SUH!

1:06 - Did I actually just witness that deep pass to Nate Burleson, or did I slip into some sort of stress-induced time machine coma? OOooOOO "Time Machine Coma," time to write a new screenplay!

0:10 - CHRIST, JOIQUE BELL! HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING FROM CHICAGO LAST YEAR? I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO ANGRY OVER A LIONS TOUCHDOWN BEFORE! Oh, and despite the hodgepodge of comedic errors, the Lions are within one at the half. Jesus Christ, I'm already exhausted.

Third quarter:

13:48 - And this was my favorite defensive play of the game. Nick Fairley with the stunt move. Nick Fairley with the QB SMASH.

11:05 - Fine. I believe in the Madden Curse. And Calvin is still feeling the residual effects. ARE YOU HAPPY, FOOTBALL GODS? CAN YOU LEAVE MY FAVORITE PLAYER ALONE NOW?

10:54 - Burleson with two big catches on this drive. I feel maybe not as many people want him cut anymore. Accurate?

10:20 - The Lions take the lead after scoring three touchdowns on that drive, though only counting one. At this point, it certainly feels like the Lions have gotten over the hump and will settle down and win this thing.

6:46 - DeAndre Levy, who I already should have mentioned a dozen times this game, does a great job of staying home on this play-action, and forcing Ponder to make a quick thrown. This was a huge third down stop, and prevented the Vikings from ever retaking the lead.

5:58 - Long Touchdown, how I've missed you so much. Why did you leave us last year....oh what am I saying, I'm just so glad you're back!
Long Touchdown and I, reunited at last. I'm so sorry, dad...uh...I mean Long Touchdown.
3:38 - Slay's last play of the game before getting benched was a long 47-yard bomb in which he got absolutely burned on. However, Delmas is as much to blame, as he was supposed to be playing deep middle. He got too focused on another route, and was flat-footed when the Minnesota receiver ran by him.

Fourth quarter:

10:00 - The Lions hit a streak of lucky breaks. First, Peterson has an unforced fumble. Then as the Lions struggled to put together a drive, they get bailed out by a mild roughing the passer call on third down. Then they get another penalty in their favor on another third down (again, a pretty iffy call)

6:51 - The most important thing, however, is the Lions took advantage of this opportunity and put seven on the board.

6:51 - Scratch that, the most important thing was this:


5:30 - POTENTIALLY EXCELLENT SIGN: The Lions, up 10 points and obviously trying to run clock, were able to successfully run against eight men in the box:

Bush gained 11 yards on this play...BETWEEN THE TACKLES
0:00 - Lions win! I have difficulty drawing any conclusions from this game. In fact, I have trouble formulating any sort of rational thought after that emotional roller coaster. Football is back.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

A Fan's Guide to Defending Your Team's Players Against Haters

For much of Ndamukong Suh's professional career, he's had to deal with on and off-the-field distractions. But he's not the only one that has to deal with these issues. It can be hard on fans like you and I. It's difficult when a guy you've been programmed to like does stuff that may not seem so smart or nice. But don't you fret, fellow Lions fan. I'm here to help. I've put together a handy guide of what you should do if a player on your favorite team gets in trouble.

1) Blame the victim
This is an easy one. Whoever is the victim in a situation with Suh is likely to have some sort of flaw in his or her life. Maybe he's a poor. Maybe he has a bad job. Probably he's a Bears fan. But there's one thing that is certain: he's a loser who must be trying to get some national attention. Because we all want fame, right? Even if this kind of fame is millions of football fans tweeting you death threats. Fame is fame.

Lions fans are already really good at this. Last year, when Suh was accused of sideswiping a car, the daughter of the other motorist took to twitter. Several people mocked her "LOLs" and overall stupidity that in no way was confused with just being a teenage girl. The attention she received was large enough that her account is now private. Great job, guys! Now her anti-Lions propaganda will no longer be spread to the masses. Problem solved, and in no way was the actual problem deflected.

2) Blame the NFL
"Hey, what's the name of that commissioner of that sport I like? Yeah, Goodell, I hate that guy."

Everyone hates commissioners. Even that word, commissioner, makes me want to go to city hall and shake my fist for hours. Commissioners may be the one responsible for bringing my favorite sport to me in more and more convenient ways, and they may make sports more and more popular, but SCREW THEM. They enforce rules and stuff. That makes them The Man. And if there's one thing "V For Vendetta" taught me, it was to hate The Man. Any enforcement of any rule is infringing on my rights, man. DON'T TREAD ON ME.

For off-the-field incidents, you may have to get a little creative to use this excuse. But if Suh gets into any more on-the-field trouble (and, let's face it, he will) this is the ideal option. Don't bother waiting until a punishment is doled out, just take to the internet and start some mob-lynching!

Here's some great examples of some vigilante heroes:
Good point! I'm sure Goodell is out to get a guy who has brought millions of dollars in revenue to the NFL through jersey and ticket sales! Oh, and great, totally non-offensive twitter handle! I bet you're a great judge of character!
This is a particularly great tweet, because it not only calls Goodell a pansy, but it also reminds us all that football is about smash-mouth hits. And if we aren't allowing players to dive at other players' knees, the only other option is to hug it out for 60 minutes.


3) Blame the media
This is a particularly ingenious defense: completely ignore the actual events, just yell at the media for reporting them! I mean it's not like that's their job!

"Why, what did the media do?" Uh, they found facts about a person who happens to be on your favorite team and reported them. THAT'S WHAT. Clearly they have something against your team, and must be digging and digging just to bury your favorite player under their dumb facts and real-life events. Everyone knows that when you discover news, you're supposed to ignore it, unless it is happy and positive. That's journalism 101, folks. Maybe some of you "media members" need a refresher's course.


Here are some TRUE Lions fans taking some "writers" back to school:
Yeah, Dave Birkett, Detroit Lions beat writer. Why run a story about a player on the team you cover? You just HAVE to be another guy to jump on the pile. Do your job and stick to the Lions.

Yeah, Dave. Why publish this story right after the $100k fine? Is it because the police cleared Suh just a few weeks ago? Pfffttt, yeah right. Is it because this was happening right in the middle of the preseason, one of the busiest times for Lions writers? Get real.

This was released now because Dave Birkett hates the Lions -- the team that he writes for to get a paycheck -- and has a personal vendetta against Suh. In fact, I bet Dave has never reported anything positive about Suh, ever. Enjoy the page hits, hater.

This is only meant to be a starter's guide. As time goes on, and other players like Suh emerge, you'll start finding advanced ways to defend your hero. Maybe compare someone you disagree with to Hitler, that's always a good option. Remember, just keep looking for that excuse, because it's out there, just waiting for you. And whatever you do, never admit that Suh, or any other teammate, may have made an error in judgement, even if it's just a small one. Because if you think anything Suh has done in his career was even remotely in the wrong, you're just a dumb hater. I bet you're racist, too.

Monday, September 9, 2013

My Interview with "In The Zone" - 9/8

Yesterday, I spent the afterglow of the Detroit Lions' victory chatting it up with the boys at "In The Zone" on WCET. Check it out below: