Breaking Bad Death Power Rankings: "To'hajiilee"

We have finally reached the edge of the cliff. And just as we're ready to peer down and see out imminent fate, everything goes black. All we're left with is the name of our cruel storyteller: Vince Gilligan.

The deaths will finally come next week. I'm not sure if I'm excited or terrified, but when the body count tally starts next week, there will definitely be some sort of release. However, there's no doubt that the standoff will just be the tip of the bloody iceberg. And when the punishment comes raining down, I don't think it will be too pleasant for anyone, including the viewer.

1) Agent Gomez - Chance of death - 99% (previously not ranked)
We have a new number one! Gomez, who was completely off the radar previously, shoots up through the rankings as Breaking Bad's likely first death in the final string of episodes. He's clearly lacking the firepower of his enemies and he is the most expendable character out there. No one there is fighting for him, no one there wants to really protect him, and he didn't even get to make one last phone call to his wife. I'll miss your goatee, buddy.

2) Hank - Chance of death - 95% (+30%, +3 spots)
Hank is currently 2-0 in shootouts. He's disposed of Tuco easily. And when Tuco's cousins had him in his crosshairs, he managed to pull out the victory. But I think the '72 Miami Dolphins will be popping the champagne next week, because Hank is running low on escape routes and ammo. Hank is way overmatched at this point. And that phone call to Marie certainly felt like writing on the wall. Of course, that phone call was so blatantly-unsubtle, it could very well be misdirection from Gilligan.

I've run the Breaking Bad simulator over 200 times and the only way Hank survives is through Walt. In this sole scenario, gunfire ceases long enough for Walt to gather his wits. He blackmails Todd's family, saying if they dispose of Hank, he will not cook for them. This is certainly a plausible scenario, and the exact one he's used for Jesse in the past. But if that happens, where does that leave Hank? How do they keep him indisposed without killing him? I don't have an answer for that. Therefore, he dies.

3) Walt - Chance of death - 90% (-9%, -2 spots)
Walt finally relinquishes his spot at the top of the charts. We know he survives this shootout, and we're pretty sure he avoids jail. The cancer continues to look worse, but it seems like a lot of his rivals are on their way to the mortuary. The story will almost certainly end with his death, but even though he's literally in the backseat, he'll likely find him self in the driver's seat soon.

4) Jesse - Chance of death - 75% (+5%, no change in rank)
Not much change for Jesse this week. It remains unclear if Todd and his gang are even aware of Jesse's presence in the desert. And although Jesse has no weapon on him, he does have a fully functioning car that conveniently is not littered with bullet holes. I'm not sure what would happen if he jumps in and takes off. Do the skin heads direct fire that way? Or are they too distracted by Hank and Gomez to notice? I think we'll find out next week.

5) Todd - Chance of death - 65% (-15%, -3 spots)
Todd, who I learned this week has the same ringtone as I do (really), holds all of the cards right now with his family and they plan on playing every single one. So far, though, their aim leaves plenty to be desired. Todd and his gang may have the weapons, but they don't have the smarts to outlast Walt in the long run.

Plus, look at Todd.

If there's anyone that deserves to die, it's this guy.

Has anyone ever looked so non-threatening in the middle of a shoot-out? Hold the gun like man, Todd: one hand, cocked to the side.

6) Marie - Chance of death - 40% (-35%, -3 spots)
Marie takes a huge plunge this week (though not the biggest), as it looks like she's destined for the life of a widow rather than a life of non-existence. Of course, I think it's entirely possible that in reaction to Hank's death, she goes after Walt and quickly finds herself overmatched.

7) Lydia - Chance of death - 30% (no change)
Lydia has proven to be pretty adept at masterminding her meth operation. Even after being threatened by Skyler to stay away forever, she's managed to manipulate Walt back into cooking for her. It'll be interesting to see when/if she pushes Walt too far.

8) Skyler - Chance of death - 20% (-40%, -2 spots)
Skyler is back in a spot of ignorance, totally unaware of chaos going on miles away in the desert. Her two biggest threat, Hank and Jesse, are unlikely to be of any danger to her anymore. Hank won't survive much longer, while Jesse just doesn't have it in him to actually kill Skyler.

However, if Walt really does don his chef hat again, Skyler and Walt Jr. could definitely be used as threats against him. I certainly wouldn't put it past Lydia or the Todd crew.

9) Walt Jr. - Chance of death - 15% (-5%, -1 spot)
Even though his dad is currently flailing in the midst of a hail of gun fire, and he's stuck at work on a weekend, Junior seems to still be having an A-One Day.

10) Saul - Chance of death - 5% (-5%, -1 spot)
Saul is looking much better after his beating at the hands of Jesse, but mentally he's a mess. With jolly ole Huell missing, presumed by him to be offed by Jesse, Saul is scurrying around New Mexico hoping to find a safe haven. When in reality, no one really cares about him right now. Don't worry, Saul, Junior was still pretty psyched to see you.

11) Holly - Chance of death - 0% (-3%, -1 spot)
If I insist this won't happen, it won't. Right?

Patience has no virtue

Sunday's season opener was somewhere between "Same Ole' Lions" and finally turning the page, depending on who you ask. The warning signs were all there: the devastating, unnecessary penalties, the huge plays given up by the defense, the dropped passes, the missed opportunities, the Brandon Pettigrew fumble. The first half was a terrible reminder of everything that went wrong last year. You got the same feeling that, while the Lions looked dominant on a down to down basis, it was the few, ever-present blunders that would sink this team to the depths of irrelevancy once again.

But then the offense snapped out of it. Beginning with the last drive in the second half, the Lions scored four touchdown on five possessions and didn't turn the ball over or go three-and-out again.

And the defense did something we rarely saw last year: they played their best football in the fourth quarter. Minnesota only managed 48 yards of offense in the final frame. The result of the Vikings' three fourth-quarter drives: fumble, punt, interception.

However, those mistakes hang menacingly over the team like a darkening cloud. The Lions escaped with a win because they were clearly the more talented team. But with all the talent on this team, getting a couple of division wins should not be the goal. It's playoffs or bust. And against other playoff teams, the Lions have been horrible in the past. The Lions found themselves only down eight after their tapestry of bloopers against the Vikings, but against a team like San Francisco or Denver, they'll find themselves down three possessions. Even against Arizona next week, a first-half performance like Sunday's may bury them for good. The Cardinals sport a wicked, opportunistic defense, as I'm sure many of you remember from last year's slaughter. The Lions will not survive another season of red-zone fumbles, drive-killing penalties, and defensive breakdowns.

So what changed after the first half? The Lions got impatient.

The most promising thing from Sunday was the Lions' new faces and the coaching staff's lack of fear in utilizing them. Many of the players who were responsible for all of the mistakes in the past (Pettigrew, Tony Scheffler, Mikel Leshoure) took a backseat to the newcomers, who played a refreshingly clean game. Joique Bell, Joseph Fauria and Reggie Bush had monster second halves that helped seal the victory. When Darius Slay was suffering from rookie growing pains early in the first half, instead of letting him continue to take punishment, Jim Schwartz called in the reinforcements. Veteran Rashean Mathis took over and did a good job stabilizing the secondary. 

Whether it was because of the Lions lack of depth or Schwartz's stubbornness, this is not something we have seen from the Lions in the past. Leshoure got the majority of carries last year, despite Bell being the clear superior runner. Pettigrew had the second-most team targets in 2012, despite his consistent drops and devastating fumbles. Kyle Vanden Bosch never lost his starting spot at defensive end despite his production level being next to nothing. It was this kind of infinite patience that allowed the mistakes to continue.

But on Sunday, Leshoure wasn't on the field. Pettigrew and Scheffler combined for just five targets and two receptions. Meanwhile, undrafted rookie Fauria caught all three of his targets and found the endzone. Bell turned 11 touches in to 92 yards and two touchdowns. And we all saw what Bush did.

It's hard to know how many more second chances players like Pettigrew and Leshoure will get. Schwartz has endlessly supported these guys and given them every chance to succeed. But for the first time since the Schwartz era began, it looks like the Lions have backup plans and have absolutely no fear in using them. That could mean great things for the Detroit going forward.

Lions Victory GIF Dump

All the best GIFs from the Detroit Lions victory over the Minnesota Vikings. Thanks to SBNation for always being on top of the GIFs.

The first half was all:

OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD

But then it was time to party.

..and dance

...and dance

And when victory was ours, we gave them our o-face. 

Gameday on a Foggy Horizon

It's gameday.

It's currently 7:20 AM Sunday morning. I'm going on a little over five hours of sleep. My body is tired from late-night shenanigans. My mind is tired from the circus that is Michigan vs. Notre Dame. But I barely feel any of it, because in three hours, the Lions will be taking the field.

I've largely ignored the Lions on this site lately. Much of the reason for this is my disdain the offseason, and more specifically, offseason football articles. It's all largely a waste of time arguing over mock drafts, power rankings and the significance of preseason. None of this has any bearing on the season and none of it is actually football.

But, if I'm being honest, that isn't my entire reasoning for ignoring the Lions. Truthfully, I'm pretty nervous about this year. My typical cheery preseason optimism has instead been a blurry, wandering mess. I still can feel myself getting excited and thinking of all the "what if..." scenarios, but I'm quickly smacked back to an impending feeling of doom. It all began after the first preseason game. While the results of the actual game were quite meaningless, the post-game analysis from the two Lions bloggers I respect the most had me down.

First, Neil of the former Armchair Linebacker, now called Talk Hard, hurled this dagger through the hearts of the cheery after the first preseason game:

Prior to that 2008 season, everyone was all optimistic and pounding their chests and talking playoffs and I felt like the only dude in the world sitting there saying “Uh… what the fuck?”  I hated that team, I hated Rod Marinelli and all his bullshit and of course I hated Matt Millen.  They were full of shit and I knew it.  I am treading on some dangerous ground here but, uh, well… here it is: I have lost faith, completely, in both Jim Schwartz and Martin Mayhew.

While I'm not quite there with Schwartz and Mayhew, just reading those words tapped into a growing sense of hatred and mistrust of the two. Like a reverse-Grinch, my heart grew smaller and smaller and the thoughts of firing the entire front office game me a small, but distinct, amount of pleasure.

Then Ty Schalter, who Bleacher Report picked up in the offseason, added fuel to the fire.

Throughout the offseason, I’ve fought the impression that this is going to be a tantalizing but unsatisfying “sim year,” one we’d simulate though if we were playing on Madden. There are too many young and inexperienced players in key roles, too many question marks yet unanswered, and too little proof that Matthew Stafford has enough rapport with anyone besides Calvin Johnson to take his game (or the Lions) to the next level.

Though this team has more than enough talent to make the playoffs, and my faith in the coaching staff is still strong, nothing I saw on Friday looks significantly better than in 2012—or 2011, for that matter.

That last line especially rang true from me. As I watched the rest of the preseason, all I could see was the 2012 Lions. Dropped passes, Stafford miscues, mental mistakes. It was all there. Hearing it from the typically optimistic Schalter filled me with dread.

But, screw that.

This is the first week of the season, damnit. Anything can happen. Just because it never does for the Lions, doesn't mean it can't.

This is the one time of year it's acceptable to be optimistic as a Lions fan. What good is it to lower your head, kick the dirt and mutter something about hiring Bill Cowher next year? The Lions are 0-0, tied for the lead in the NFC North, and have a chance to get a big division win right off the bat.

There are plenty of reasons to be optimistic. The Lions are filled with a talented roster. They have a back with big-play abilities again. They have a bunch of young starters on defense with endless potential. And they are the healthiest team going into the season.

While the NFC North remains tough, there are undeniable chinks in the Lions' division rivals' armor. The Bears are dealing with a coaching turn-around and an inconsistent Jay Cutler. The Packers have plenty of questions on defense and are one injury away from starting a piece of cheese at quarterback. The Vikings are likely due for regression this year, albeit a small one. The window of opportunity is slightly ajar. If you allow yourself to see it, it's there. 

I know this may just be an effort to drown my realistic concerns in an ocean of Honolulu Blue Kool-Aid, but who the hell cares? You may think that by bringing optimism to the table I'm just setting myself up for failure. Well, you're probably right. But I've stopped caring about making myself vulnerable. All I know is failure. I've survived failure. I can accept failure. Failure hasn't killed me yet.

What I won't accept is surrender. Not in September. I won't accept Mock Drafts for 2014 that already have the Lions in the top 10 again. I won't accept talk of the Lions new head coach or articles looking for Mayhew's potential replacements. And I sure as hell won't accept any season predictions that have the Lions placing last in their division.

As long as there is no asterisk by the Lions' name in the standings notating their mathematical impossibility of playoffs, this is my team, damnit, and I will believe. The minute I stop believing is the minute I give up the Lions, forever. I can't be one of those people that throws up their hands and says, "Enough. I will not have my Sundays ruined. I quit this team." Because when the Lions eventually turn it around, and they will, I refuse to be one of those cowards crawling back to their team hoping for forgiveness. However long the storm, I will weather it. I've come this far, anyway. I've lasted through every imaginable disappointing season and as Skyler White said last week, "What's one more?"

There's plenty of room aboard the Lions bandwagon. I implore you, close your eyes, plug your ears and hop aboard. You know you can't resist it.

Breaking Bad Death Power Rankings: "Rabid Dog"

This week was a significant step towards several players' potential death. Though the White residence managed to escape an ashy grave, Walt was unable to win over Jesse, which is bad news for the both of them.

1) Walter - Chance of death: 99% (no change from last week)
He's starting to cough more...

2) Todd - Chance of death: 80% (+30%, + 4 spots)
Walter finally returned Todd's endearing voice mail this week. Walt's intentions were not-so-endearing. Now Todd and his wonderful family stand between Walt and Jesse. It all has a video game feel to it.

Jesse is the hero and must face the mini-boss of the Todd family tree before facing the final boss, Heisenberg. This show has to have some sort of Jesse vs. Walt standoff. I don't know how Jesse will dispose of Todd and co., but it has to happen.

3) Marie - Chance of death: 75% (+5%, no change in rank)
Marie is googling poison now. She may like how it feel just thinking about it, but it's pretty clear she's losing it. She is planning on getting her hands dirty, and I mean more than just grinding coffee beans for Jesse. She is going to go after Walt, and she's probably going to die, and I'm probably going to like it.

4) Jesse - Chance of death: 70% (-15%, -2 spots)
Jesse is down a few spots, but I still think his death is forthcoming. However, thanks to Hank's timely visit to the White household and Jesse's conditioned fear of bald men, Jesse has likely bought himself a few more episodes. Though he now has to deal with a group of men who have had no trouble murdering masses of people at a time, he also clearly has something in store for Walt. So either he gets to Walt before Todd's relatives get to him, or he somehow eludes the hit put on him. Jesse has grown more cunning as the series has progressed, so I'm guessing the latter.

5) Hank - Chance of death: 65% (0% change, -1 spot)
Hank spent this episode in the driver's seat. He had all the power: the key witness, his trusty partner by his side, and Marie in his corner making coffee. But his recklessness with Jesse may have cost him. Jesse don't work for nobody. I'm starting to think Hank could lose Jesse completely and become a target of his.

6) Skyler - Chance of death: 60% (+10, +1 spot)
After pledging her allegiance to Walt last week, she took one step further this week by insisting on Jesse's death. She is starting to lose control, which seems to be a common theme among everyone at this point. The more she becomes involved, the larger the target on her back.

7) Lydia - Chance of death: 30% (-30%, -2 spots)
Lydia takes the biggest plunge among all characters this week, as she is completely absent from the episode. Though her character isn't completely irrelevant, it seems like Todd's family is a little more important to that storyline. We'll see her again -- her character is too good to keep out -- but right now, she sits safely in the shadows.

8) Walt Jr - Chance of death 20% (-20%, -1 spot)
This was a rare episode that feature a lot of Walt Jr. and not a lot of breakfast. It was nice to see him call his dad out on his bullshit, but, unfortunately, he still sees his father as someone with good intentions. But there was nothing about this episode that even hinted at Jr's danger. He may just be blissfully ignorant for the rest of his life, since all it takes is some room-service to keep him happy and distracted.

9) Saul - Chance of death 10% (no change)
Barely any Saul in this episode. Not enough Saul. Need more Saul.

10) Holly - Chance of death : 3% (no change)
I'm warning you, Vince Gilligan. Don't.